Wednesday, August 24, 2011

21 Questions to Consider Before Saying "I DO!"

It's always good to ask a lot of questions before making a big committment. Marriage is by far the biggest commitment a person could make, therefore, I highly recommend asking good questions before saying, "I Do!"

Most of the time, our tendency when we're head-over-heels in love, is to take that leap of faith without considering the details. I remember the first time I bought a house... I was so 'in love' with the house that I didn't read the contract and in the end, it wasn't what I expected at all. A marriage can have the same result if you're not careful...

So if you're on the brink of making this commitment, or 'covenant'- consider a few the following questions first:

1. Is he/she a Believer? Do they have a personal relationship with Jesus and share the same faith that I have?

2. What is their viewpoint on kids? Do they want to have kids? Do they want a big family or a small family?

3. What will their expectations be of me once we're married?

4. Are we on the same page morally and ethically?

5. Do we communicate well? How will communication get easier or more difficult once we're married?

6. What will the financial expectation be? How will we handle the finances in our home? Combined or seperate? Savings?

7. Do we share the same views on sexuality? Do we both understand biblically how God designed it to function within a godly relationship between a man & woman?

8. Will he/she be a good parent? What will their strengths be as a parent? Do they want to be a parent?

9. If I marry this man/woman, I'm in a sense marrying their family. What kind of inlaws would I have if I said I do? Can I see myself in their family for the rest of your life?

10. How does he/she like to relax? Do we enjoy the same kinds of leisure activities?

11. Do we share the same views on divorce? Are we both willing to eliminate the word 'divorce' from our vocabulary before this relationship begins?

12. Will he/she be a 'loyal' partner in life? Will they be completely committed, even when you're apart? In other words... are they going to wear their ring and be proud to be married to you at all times?

13. Is he/she an affectionate person? Am I willing to meet his/her needs for affection for the rest of my life?

14. Do they have a good work ethic? Is he/she a hard worker?

15. Where do they land on the issue of cleanliness? Do we share the same living-habits when it comes to 'neatness'? If not, are you okay with that?

16. Is he/she financially stable? This isn't a question of 'are they rich?', it's more a question that asks, "Are they in debt up to their eyeballs?" And if they answer is yes, are you then okay with becoming part of the solution to eliminate that debt?

17. Is he/she a responsible person? Can I count on them to keep their word and be where they say they're going to be?

18. Is he/she willing to become vulnerable and transparent in our relationship or will there always be a wall up?

19. How does he treat his Mom? How does she treat her Dad?

20. Are we politically compatible? When it comes to the major issues, are we on the same page or on opposite sides of the spectrum? Not a deal breaker, but definately something to consider.

21. Can I actually see myself... 50 years from now... madly, deeply, head-over-heels in love with this person? Why?


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  2. Consider the spouse's mental health. Many people suffer from depression, bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses that are often hidden during the dating period. But studies show that divorce is much higher among people that suffer from disorders. If you are dating someone with a history of mental disorders, please do not dismiss it as trivial but really study the impact on the spouse before making the decision. Living with someone with depression or bipolar disorder is more difficult than most people think. Plus, studies show that the children of parent(s) with mental disorders are more likely to have developmental issues growing up.